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Melinda: How do you keep your legs warm?
Prue: We drink coffee.
Piper: I just wish I could get a live guy.
Phoebe: I forgot your question.
Piper: I asked if Prue was going to have sex with someone other than herself this year.
Phoebe: That's disgusting! Please say yes!
Piper: The only Halliwell that likes earthquakes.
Prue: I don't like them, but I don't go running naked through the house screaming "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!" either.
Phoebe: Okay, that is such an exaggeration. I was wearing slippers.
Andy: Everything happens for a reason, remember, you told me that, Prue.
Phoebe: Go away horny tom cats!
Phoebe: Come on, you don't think we'll be 60 and still living together, sharing clothes and a cat.
Piper: Well now that you put it that way, no, I don't want to live with you anymore!
Piper: Wait a sec. Last week we had no dad and now we have two?!
Piper: Yeah. Sure, why not? We could have another funeral tomorrow. I mean, all the dishes are out and we pretty
much know who to invite.
Phoebe: No.
According to the Book Of Shadows, one of our ancestors was a witch, named Melinda Warren.
Piper: And we have a
cousin who's a drunk, an aunt who's manic, and a father who's invisible.
Piper: Come on, Phoebe, trolls and fairies? You don't believe that stuff.
Phoebe: Sure, why not?
Piper: Well, maybe it's time we tell her about Santa.
Leo: Piper, what are you doing?
Piper: Getting irritated. Who put Lady Attitude in charge?
Leo: She's not in charge.
Piper: Really? 'Cause she's acting like it. I thought Whitelighters were supposed to guide, not dictate!
Leo: Every time I see you, I love you even more. You're so beautiful. You're so special. I can't imagine my
life without you.
[Piper walks in]
Leo: Piper!
Piper: Leo, who are you talking to?
Leo: Me? Uh, nobody, just myself, you know.
Piper: Yourself? You were telling yourself how much you love you?
Piper: So why is Sir Lust-A-Lot after you?
Paige: How should I know?
Piper: Well, because it's your damn fairy tale and it's alive and frozen in our kitchen!
Piper: You know, if I could freeze the two of you, I would, often.
Leo: Piper, this is completely illegal.
Piper: Yeah? Well, so is marrying a dead guy, okay?
[She holds up his death certificate]
Piper: Let's not get technical now.
Piper: Darryl, I'm sorry, but what do you want me to say? My sister was just possessed with a supernaturally born
killer and my husband is in 1994, and I do not mean in the fashion sense. He time traveled back with my other sister so the
only one left to help me is you.
Piper: I'm not pregnant. Trust me.
Prue: Well, that's good news.
Phoebe: Are you kidding? That's great news. You can live.
Prue: I mean, well, you are a warlock magnet.
Piper: Prue, it's me leaving you another message after leaving Phoebe another message. I tried you at work, but
they said you never checked in after your shoot, so where are you guys? (Piper sees the same guy as before standing at the
other end of the bar.) Uh, look, so call me, or better yet, just show up and save me from having to perform an impending awkward
rejection all by myself.
Darryl: Piper...
Piper: Uh-huh.
Darryl: You froze the crime scene.
Piper: Uh-huh.
Darryl: You cannot freeze a crime scene.
Piper: Well, I did.
Piper: You were at Cole's all night?
Phoebe: Uh huh!
Piper: Did you?
Phoebe: Uh huh!
Piper: Was he?
Phoebe: Uh huh!!
Charlene: You were right about me. I went home,
I saw the folks crying, then I knew it was true. I've never seen my dad cry before. Not over me anyway. Then I got pissed.
The demon did this to me. I wanna prove he doesn't exist anymore.
Piper: Tell me the truth. Do you think I'm pushing it too far with the wedding?
Prue: Okay, why is Phoebe going to school without her books?
Piper: Okay, why is Prue not answering Piper's question?
Piper: Hi, Phoebe. Need a diaper change?
Phoebe: Haha, very funny. Look, we need you to come home right away by midnight or else...
Piper: The tooth fairy's gonna come and harass us all for not flossing?
Prue: Okay, how did you get this stuff so fast?
Piper: Oh, I just let my fingers do the walking and the clicking and the... flipping.
Prue: Flipping as in the pages of the Book of Shadows? You used magic?
Piper: Well, yeah, I couldn't wait six to eight weeks for delivery.
Prue: That is so personal gain.
Piper: No, 'cause we need all of this stuff.
Darryl: Oh, no creepy talk in the precinct. Will you just keep down the creepy talk.
Piper: No, don't say that. We're not surrounded until they're all around of us.
Piper: Don't act blonde.
Prue: If he can kill thirteen unmarried witches before midnight, he'll be freed from the underworld to wreak
his terror every single day.
Piper: Unmarried? Like being single doesn't have enough problems.
Piper: Leo, you're a nice guy, and I like you a lot, but let's face it, you're geographically undesirable.
Prue: Great, so some guy couldn't keep it in his sheath and now I'm marked for death.
Piper: Well, some men can be very sensitive about their weapons.
Phoebe: I'll do what I should've done a while ago which is vanquish your sorry ass!
[confronting a demon]
Xotar: I'm Krell,
a Xotar.
Prue: I'm Prue, a Scorpio.
Phoebe: I hope this doesn't mean we get our *virginity* back too!
Leo: Piper, he's gonna kill me when he finds out.
Piper: Don't be ridiculous, you're already dead.
Cole: You've got to hold my hand.
Prue: This already sucks.
Outlaw: See you in hell.
Cole: Been there, done that.
Prue: Innocents and alleys, don't they ever learn?
Prue: I'm gonna win this fight and save your ass, that way I can kick it myself later.
Eames: Did I miss all the fun? No, wait I am the fun
Prue: Oh, I think someone needs a time out little missy!
Phoebe: Why couldn't you get a boy-band song stuck in your head like everyone else?
Phoebe: We thought that the good guys were bad guys, in trying to vanquish them we helped the real bad guys, which
were dead ringers for the good guys
Leo: Was that English?
DA: You are ...?
Phoebe: Phoebe
DA: Is that like a Cher, or a Madonna, or do you have a last name?
Krell: Just the thought of working with you turns my stomachs
Piper: Stomachs?
Piper: It was all of those women showing off their sonogram pictures, and it was just working on my last nerve.
Like, "Look, it's Jasper's first photo. And it's going to go on the fridge in a magnetic frame that says 'Jasper's First Photo'!"
Leo: Okay, I thought prenatal yoga was supposed to help you relax.
Prue: Are you a good witch or a bad witch?
Piper: I'm going to be a very good witch from now on.
Prue: By the look of the clothes I'd say we were in the early 1700's.
Phoebe: Where the life expectancy of a witch is, oh, 15 seconds.
Darryl: First demons I have seen actually, apart from the blonde with the funky snake tongue thingy.
Ava: Oh you've made that clock so small, you must
posses great powers
Piper: No, just a great credit card
Prue: Stairs can be sobering
Phoebe: You have really got to lay off the rhyming, Prue
Cole: Why would I ever not want to talk to you?
Phoebe: I don't know, you know, just in case you thought I was a drunk or a lunatic, or a drunk lunatic.
Prue: I hate to be the detail police.
Leo: I hate to bearer of bad news.
Piper: Could you possibly be the bearer of a big hug?
Phoebe: If I had a dollar for every times an owl turned into a hot guy on our porch, I'd be rich...
Piper: We have to find a way of hiding the rutabaga.
Prue: The rutabaga?
Piper: It's code word for the thing we're not supposed to talk about.
Prue: Oh, the rutabaga.
Piper: I swear to god I have seen this in a movie somewhere.
Phoebe: Wanna take a wiccan time out and do the crossword puzzle?
Phoebe: I curse you, you curse me, let's get together and do a little cursing.
Phoebe: Anyone got a vanquish in their pocket
Phoebe: We could sure use some cosmic help right about now!
Piper: You were telling yourself how much you love you?
Leo: I've thought this through
Piper: Is that why you asked me to marry you in a toilet?
Piper: I'm being stalked by psycho killers and I hide in the shower!
Paige: I like an element of danger.
Paige: You used to be a demon *and* a lawyer?
Cole: Yeah.
Paige: Insert joke here.
Genie: Plus, that and they'll kill me.
Piper: They're going to have to wait in line.
Dragon Demon: And where the hell did you come from?
Genie: Oh, no, no. That's where *you* came from.
Piper: We went, we saw, we didn't quite conquer.
Phoebe: I think I found the demon. Oh my god...
Paige: What? You can't say "demons" followed by "oh my god" - I'm new at this, I'm likely to panic.
Demon Of Illusion: Silly Witches! Tricks Are For Kids!
Prue: They have secrets, too.
Piper: Well unless they're transvestite Nazi war criminals with really good face-lifts, ours beats theirs.
Paige: Got milk? Oooh, don't think so.
Piper: You better run while you can, you little rodents.
[She stands up and looks up at the sky.]
Piper: I bet you guys think this is real funny don't ya? Haven't you taken enough from me? You have to send trolls to kick
me while I'm down. I had a nice normal life once and you took that from me. You took my boyfriend, you took my life, the least
you could do is leave me my freakin' car keys. I am a good person, I am a good witch and damn it I would've made a great wife.
And how dare you take that from me. I deserve... no, you know what? I demand that you send him back to me. You hear me? Right
now. I am going to stand in this very spot until you send Leo back to me.
Piper: I'll play the bitch, you play the witch, ok?
Piper: I'm gonna be happy when I vanquish your sorry ass!
Piper: Yeah, next time get your own damn lipstick.
Prue: I heard that!
Piper: I love you!
Prue: Bite me!
Piper: Phoebe's pregnant.
Leo: What, huh, really?
Phoebe: Can you do anything about this rain? 'Cause it's making me nuts!
The Seer: I have no sway over the weather. I do have a friend who works with the wind, but she's out of town.
Cole: Don't you think you're being a little paranoid?
Phoebe: With my demon ex-husband from hell?
Head Dwarf: When's her prince getting here?
Piper: She doesn't have a prince.
Head Dwarf: No prince? So then who's going to kiss her?
Dwarf #1: I'll
do it!
Dwarf #2: In your dreams stinky. I'll do it!
Dwarf #1: I told you not to call me that.
Head
Dwarf: People! A little professional decorum here please. (To Piper) Forgive them, it's been a while.
Grams: Piper blew up the wolf from inside. Although it took her long enough.
Piper: Hey, back off Grams, I just saved your ass!
Piper: Hey, I have a great idea. Why don't I make a fabulous reunion dinner.
Prue: I'm not hungry.
Phoebe: I ate on the bus.
Piper: Okay, we'll try the group hug later.
Piper: Vanquish demon first, kill husband later.
Paige: What just happened?
Piper: The freaking furniture just attacked us!
Leo: Give daddy back his powers now!
Piper: Kiss this bitch!
Genie: Look, uh, you're probably a little bit upset, huh?
Piper: No, I've moved past upset and straight to pissed off!
Leo: ...plus ours will be doubly magical - half Whitelighter. Half witch.
Paige: Hey, that's like me! Oh. You might have some problems.
Phoebe: Notice anything different about me?
[Paige looks at her oddly]
Piper: Engagement ring. Notice it or wear coffee.
Phoebe: Who's Natile?
Piper: She's a-
Leo: Fellow whitelighter. See I finished your sentence.
Piper: Hmm. That's not what I was gonna say.
Piper: So let me get this straight. You summoned me to a cage where our powers don't work so, what, we could all
die together?
Paige: I'll admit the plan has a few flaws.
Phoebe: Will your friends be staying for dinner?
Cole: I'm going to have a hard enough time convincing them to stay 'til the end of the meeting if you don't stop threatening
to kill them.
Demon: You've got something up your sleeve...
Phoebe: [looks at sisters' shirts] Hello? Sleeveless.
Piper: Oh, no, don't tell me we got infected with the sin thingy.
Leo: Hey, you want to freeze me in bed for your own personal pleasure, that is fine, but freezing Natalie is
not gonna make her or the Elders happy.
[Prue has been transformed into a dog]
Piper: She's such a pretty dog.
Phoebe: What else did you expect?
Leo: A Doberman.
Prue: Grrrrr...
[Piper's morning sickness is causing her to burp small
orbs of white light.]
Paige: [to Leo] Okay, is that normal?
Leo: All this arguing is probably just upsetting the baby.
Piper: [indicating size with her hands] Leo, the baby is an inch long! All this arguing is upsetting the mommy.
Phoebe: This costume happens to be a protest statement.
Prue: I am so impressed that you can make a protest statement and show cleavage all at the same time.
Phoebe: Thanks.
Piper: I think my half whitelighter baby thought fireworks would be prettier than demon guts.
Cole: You're pregnant?
Piper: I was, but now I think Leo is.
Leo: Hey, I'm not nauseous.
Piper: Hey, I am. Wait, that's not good news.
Cole: Did you get my flowers?
Phoebe: Yeah. "Sorry I tried to strangle you" Probably not a card the florist gets to write everyday.
Leo: It's your love that keeps me sane and whole and balanced
Leo: You know, you're a pretty good whitelighter.
Piper: Well, I learned from the best.
Leo: Piper, through all the tears and struggles, I always knew in my heart that we'd make it here. I promise
to love and respect you from this point forward as your husband, as my wife, my lover, my friend, and my soul mate. All I
am is yours.
Paige: Well, I was sort of messing around with Dave...
Piper: Messing around?
Paige: Yeah, having sex.
Piper: Oh.
Paige: See, that's why I don't want to talk to you about this. It's weird talking to a pregnant lady about sex anyway.
Piper: Well, Paige, how do you think I got pregnant?
Paige: Ugh, I don't want to know that either!
Piper: You know, I don't wanna be one of those old married lepers that nobody thinks is fun anymore.
Prue: You've never been fun, Piper.
Piper: I've always been fun, Prue. I am just Mrs. Fun now.
Prue: Oh, Mrs. Fun.
Leo: P3's still doing great.
Piper: Not as great as it used to be, thanks to me.
Leo: Well, Piper, you're having a baby. Your priorities have changed.
Piper: Yeah, well, haven't you heard? Women can have careers and babies now. It's been in all the papers.
Leo: Well, are those women trying to save the world from demons too?
Piper: Leo, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was afraid that you were too good to be true,
that maybe I didn't deserve someone so pure and beautiful and loving as you are. But here we are surrounded by the people
that I love the most and I feel so proud, and so blessed to be your wife. Leo, I was born to love you and I always will.
Piper: If you ask me, I think you're being paranoid. We kicked Shax's ass. We bad.
Paige: Do you think you could shift the gears? My boobs are in the way.
Phoebe: Ready to kick some ass......sis?
Piper: That can't be right. How many swizzle sticks?
Leo: [staring at her legs] Who's counting?
Prue: I mean, how come we can't fight the demon of cleanliness or the demon of housekeeping, or even that really
big bald guy, Mr. Clean? I would so totally take him on.
Piper: You got anything that would go with combat boots? You know, for the mommy-to-be who kicks some ass on occasion.
Phoebe: You stay here and check the Book for mummies...
Paige: Mommy!
Phoebe: I can't believe you guys didn't notice my billboards downtown.
Piper: Oh, honey, of course we noticed. You can see them from a passing 747.
Craig: Who are you?
Paige: Witch.
Leo: Angel.
Phoebe: Mermaid.
Morris: [in the midst of being shot at] This
is the last time I come to this place for lunch.
Phoebe: Good people do not turn other people into water coolers.
Leo: Why am I standing in the ocean?
Piper: Phoebe's a mermaid.
Leo: Oh, well, that would explain it.
Piper: [to Paige] Geez, you're like my husband with boobs.
Leo: Because nobody knows where it is. Its location has been kept secret even from the Elders.
Paige: Where was their infinite wisdom on the day that was decided?
Piper: Every other mother-to-be does not have to worry about her child orbing to Tahiti when they are sent to
their room.
Piper: Oh, please, please, somebody help me! The mean demon is dipping me into the water and it's really cold!
Piper: Leo, I have growing powers inside of me. Powers that I don't understand, and the only person who does understand
them never has time to talk. Add that to raging hormones and I guarantee you I am absolutely entitled to do the 'crying thing'.
Grams: Have you been exercising your powers daily?
Piper: Do I need to?
Grams: Well, you know, if you don't want to lose control of them. Did you perform a ritual to promote growth?
[Piper
and Leo look sheepish]
Grams: Did you cast a spell to ward off demonic parasites?
[Piper and Leo continue to look ashamed]
Grams: Sweetheart, what did you do?
Leo: We built a nursery in our bedroom closet.
Grams: No wonder this baby summoned me.
Piper: So what do you say to an overbearing younger sister who's treating her pregnant older sister like a porcelain
doll?
Phoebe: "Thank you"?
Piper: How about "Knock it off"?
Phoebe: That's probably better advice.
Phoebe: [about Leo's spell] "We harken ye"? What are we trying to summon a leprechaun here?
Leo: [referring to Paige's scant attire] Uh, Paige, where did you orb in from?
Paige: I was dealing with some personal issues.
Leo: Well, I'm your whitelighter so if you ever want to talk--
Piper and Paige: NO!!!
Leo: Yeah, that little elf? Got a big mouth.
Leo: Ladies, death cannot be feared. For death, in time, comes to all witches. You know, the witch who says
she's not scared in battle is a liar. The real witch is the one who fights.
Piper: Honey?
Leo: Yeah?
Piper: Zip it.
Phoebe: [about Paige] Dead? What do you mean she's dead?
Leo: Don't worry. The dwarves are all over it.
Phoebe: The dwarves?
Leo: Piper cast a spell that wound up summoning the descendents of the seven dwarves. Actually, they prefer to be called
little people now.
Piper: Wow, prenatal yoga this morning and now you want to crash a stranger's funeral? You really do need friends.
Paige: You're mean.
Leo: As your whitelighter, I'd say go with your instincts.
Paige: Okay.
Leo: But as your brother-in-law, going up against your sisters would be pure suicide.
Paige: Great. You've really helped clarify this issue.
Paige: All of them had their eyes gouged out.
Piper: Ew.
Leo: Now the video doesn't seem so gruesome.
Piper: Ha! Speak for yourself.
[Piper walks into the living room to see Phoebe and
Paige wearing beauty masks]
Piper: Ah!
Phoebe: What?
Piper: Oh, my God. You two could scare the hair off a cat. No demons dare drop by here!
[Morris extends his arm to touch Piper's belly]
Morris: Hey, if you ask me, there's nothing more beautiful than a preg--
Piper: Do it, and you'll pull back a bloody stub.
[Morris retracts his arm]
Paige: She's a little sensitive right now.
Morris: I can see that.
Paige: So I basically come off as this big, dumb, fat, unemployed loser.
Piper: No, Paige, you're a big, dumb, fat, unemployed loser who saves the world.
Paige: We are not slobs!
Piper: Oh, really? How come I spent all night cleaning potion stains off of the ceiling?
Paige: That's gazpacho, not potion.
Piper: Well, you know what? Blenders have lids.
Paige: Oh, gross. What are you guys watching? Is that some horror movie?
Piper: No, it's The Joys of Home Birthing. Strangely I'm not feeling the joy.
Paige: Oh, the Elders don't know anything. What a shock.
Leo: How about I buy you a drink?
Dave: Thanks. I've all ready got one.
Leo: That's not gonna be enough.
Phoebe: Okay, something really freaky happened last night when I was with Miles.
Piper: You guys are all ready getting freaky?
Piper: Apparently the baby here prefers Mommy to be indestructible.
Piper: You knew about this supernatural Jenny Jones reunion, didn't you?
Piper: So your new-and-improved premonitions are just a more vivid way of telling us we're screwed?
Phoebe: I mean, you're not even showing yet...except for your boobies.
Piper: I'm telling you, they are large and they are definitely in charge.
Piper: Everyone's treating me so differently. I'm still me. There's just a whole lot more of me going on.
[Paige
walks into the attic]
Paige: Hey, guys. Oh, I'm sorry. Were you ranting?
Piper: Yes, but I was done. Thank you.
Piper: I didn't have to resort to maternity clothes. Everything is so bright and cheery and ruffly.
Paige: I can understand wanting to take a break from guys but, come on...she's gonna run out the batteries.
Piper: Aw, Paige!
Paige: What? Paige's cell phone rings.
Paige: Hello? Oh, hey, Phoebe. We were just talking about you.
Piper: And your batteries.
Piper: I've come to the conclusion that if you've got it, then you must flaunt it!
[Lifts her shirt a little
to show her pregnant tummy]
Phoebe: That's my niece in that belly!
Paige: She's my niece, too.
Phoebe: Hi, niece! It's your favorite aunt, Phoebe!
Leo: So, does Phoebe work here too?
Piper: Phoebe? Work here? No, no... She's too busy with her gay and lesbian meetings.
Jasmine: Am I the only virgin here?!
Piper: I can't believe we got arrested for kidnapping ourselves.
Prue: It should make for a pretty interesting defense.
Piper: You think this is funny? Not only are we stuck in jail, we're stuck in the past.
Prue: Yes, I know, Piper. I've been following.
Piper: You were all over him with your breasts all...whatever...
Phoebe: I didn't even have breasts back then.
Piper: Phoebe, you've always had breasts.
Phoebe: Prue was right, which means I'm dating a warlock.
Piper: Been there, done that.
Phoebe: AT&T, Power of Three.
Phoebe: No I can still cast spells and do the power of three thing. Whatever the problem is it seems more natural
than supernatural.
Leo: Phoebe why didn't you come to me, I'm your Whitelighter.
Phoebe: Because you've been busy.
Leo: I've been busy?
Phoebe: Well I've been busy. My work schedule has been really hectic. But I'm coming to you guys now.
Leo: Ok you guys yell at her, and I'm gonna check with the Elders and see what they know.
Phoebe: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You, Leo, last night, dish.
Piper: Um, well, it was nice. It was... well, it was wonderful. We just had a few problems.
Phoebe: Problems?
Prue: What problems?
Piper: Well, it's been a while since, you know, I-I was a little nervous, and I kinda kept freezing him.
Prue: Piper, you didn't?
Piper: I didn't mean to... the first time.
Phoebe: I mean, between you and Leo, and Prue, the new Hot Wicca Woman, and me, soon to be employed, things are
looking up.
Piper: Don't say that! The moment someone says that, everything always goes south.
Phoebe: Unless you freeze him. Oh, I couldn't help it. It was so good!
Prue: Okay, okay, come on, we're going, you're going to borrow the car.
[Leo comes down the stairs.]
Leo: Good morning.
Phoebe: Yeah, we heard.
Prue: So, witches forever?
Phoebe: And damn proud of it!
Rodriguez: Prue Halliwell ... is a witch.
Andy: A witch, huh? You wait here, I'll go warn the Wizard of Oz.
[Piper and Leo are down behind the bar. Piper giggles.
Piper's cell phone rings and she pops up, out of breath to answer it.]
Piper: Hello?
Phoebe: Hey, did you make the potion?
Piper: Potion? P-P-Paige is making the potion.
[Leo pops up beside Piper and starts kissing her neck]
Piper: And I have ten glorious minutes then I have to have my herbs.
Phoebe: Great, because I need your help fast. Karen's gonna get fired unless we get her advice column in by 8:00 tonight.
Piper: Uh-huh.
Phoebe: So what would tell a twenty-eight year old woman who's still living in her parents house because she's afraid of living
alone?
Piper: I'd tell her to get a life.
Phoebe: How can I write that? We fight demons every day. How can I tell her that there's nothing to be afraid of, you know?
(Piper makes a noise as Leo disappears behind the bar again, smiling.) What are you doing, Piper?
Piper: I am taking my own advice.
Phoebe: Eww.
Piper: Are you out of your mind, AGAIN?
Paige: I can't believe I destroyed the house.
Phoebe: What I can't believe is what you almost saw in the hotel room. If you had gotten there five minutes earlier...
Piper: Lalala! Over sharing.
[Prue has just changed back from being a dog. Piper
is scratching Prue's head]
Prue: What are you doing?
Piper: I think you've got fleas.
Prue: You know what? That's so not funny because I think I do.
Phoebe: I don't get it. If our ancient compilation of spells, witchcraft and rituals can't help us, what makes
you think Martha Stewart can?
Prue: Yeah, well, rules are meant to be broken.
Phoebe: Yeah, but bodies weren't.
Piper: And neither were hearts.
Chris: Are you afraid of me?
Prue: No, are you planning on sprouting horns, growing fangs and eating us?
Grams: You need guidance, some advice on a certain sister situation. Am I getting warm?
Phoebe: Red hot. But wait a minute, if you know, that means that they know, and if they know then we are f--
Grams: Fine.
Paige: [speaking to Piper in an alternate reality] And you, you're not La Femme Nikita, you're a Charmed
One. Yeah, you don't mind kicking ass when you have to, but otherwise you'd rather be hanging out with your sisters, baking
cookies, or knitting booties.
Piper: Knitting booties? Clearly you don't know me at all!
Leo: Damn it, Paige! I would appreciate it if you didn't practice on me. I may be dead, but it still hurts!
Paige: We're preparing for the big home birth.
Piper: Home birth? You're nuts. I'd never agree to that. I wouldn't give birth unless it was in--
Paige: A hospital. Yeah, yeah, you keep saying the same thing in any reality.
Paige: [about Cole] I'm telling you, he's gone for good.
Phoebe: Yeah ... that's what we thought last time.
Piper: And the time before that.
Piper: Mm-hmm. Your destiny still awaits, she says. There's a reason for everything she says. So, now it's time
to summon her transparent butt back and ask exactly what that reason is.
Phoebe: What about water birth? Can we do that at home?
Eve: Sure, we can rent a tub.
Piper: What am I a dolphin? I'm not giving birth to fish!
Leo: Well, actually, dolphins aren't fish. They're mammals.
Piper: Shut up!
Phoebe: What's the celebration?
Paige: I'm just so happy to be home, that's all.
Piper: You wanted to move out.
Paige: I did? God, no! Never! Well, I mean, you know, maybe when I'm married or pregnant or ... hopefully both at the same
time. We're sisters! We shouldn't split up until we absolutely have to. You know that, right?
Piper: She's rambling.
Phoebe: I hear that.
Rodriguez: Bottom line, I know my partner was killed
by a supernatural being and I think Prue Halliwell can help me figure out who did it.
Andy: Really? Well, I'll just get the commissioner to signal Batman and then I'll get right on it.
Phoebe: What re those?
Piper: Slipcovers to keep the furniture clean. Although I've never come to the conclusion that we should probably just stand
from now on.
Leo: Witch doctors are kind of a wild card. That's why the elders don't want us working with them.
Piper: Well, sometimes we don't want to work with the elders. So we're even!
[Witch doctor appears dressed in a suit]
Witch
Doctor: How may I be of service?
Paige: Are you a witch doctor?
Witch Doctor: Let me guess. You were expecting someone with a bone through the nose
and shrunken head necklace, perhaps?
Phoebe: Yeah, actually. Yeah. Yeah.
[Paige nods in agreement.]
Piper: Look, if there's anything I've learned from all this it's that I've got to learn to deal with messes. Especially
with the baby coming, 'cause I hear they come with a lot of messes.
Paige: I've heard some things about that, too. Yeah.
Paige: How do you like my outfit?
Piper: You look like you're not going to help clean up.
Paige: You've got that right. I'm gonna go meet Glen. And besides, isn't everything just gonna get messed up again anyway?
Piper: Bite your tongue.
Leo: Piper, I need you to help me find Paige.
Piper: I'm not talking to her until she cleans up her room.
Paige: He met some bimbette while climbing the Matterhorn.
Piper: At Disneyland?
Paige: No, Switzerland.
Witch Doctor: It's only a matter of time before
they destroy themselves.
Paige: Talk about premature jubilation. You gentlemen might want to see a doctor about that.
Witch Doctor: You sure these are good witches that
live here?
Leo: The best. Although one of them is going to go very evil on us if we don't get this room cleaned up in a hurry. Believe
me.
Witch Doctor: Is that a fact?
Leo: Well, not literally.
Leo: The spell, Piper, you need to reverse it. Fast.
Piper: I'm not sure I can.
Paige: Then you'd better make us disappear 'cause this one's gonna be tough to explain.
Phoebe: [about possessed shoes] Cole, these boots may be made for walkin, but they're NEVER walkin' back
to you buddy!
Piper: Where's my baby?
Leo: Over here.
[Leo stands up to reveal that he's now seven months pregnant]
Paige: Oh my God.
Piper: Oh my god...
[Leo sees Ryder trying to nuzzle his wife's neck]
Leo: Oh my god!
[Phoebe screams in the attic]
Slappy: Oh, that doesn't sound good.
Paige: [about the Sandman] I can't believe that they exist...not that I should be surprised.
Paige: Besides, everyone is odd in San Francisco. That's why we fit in so well.
Piper: I mean, why would a demon be interested in killing people's dreams? They're harmless, erotic fun.
Paige: Did you say 'erotic'?
Piper: Exotic. I said exotic.
Piper: Cole, if you don't get me the hell outta here right now-
Cole: You're the one that didn't want me to go easy on you!
Piper: Doesn't mean I wanted you to! Now get me out the damned wall!
Paige: If you want to talk to Piper, she's in the room throwing up.
Phoebe: What, is she sick?
Paige: She's pregnant Phoebe, sickness is their way of life.
Piper: So what you're saying is, that whatever you're keeping from me is enough to piss me off but not put me
in any danger. At the moment.
Phoebe: Go to hell.
Cole: We're already here.
Leo: Did you find out anything?
Phoebe: Besides having a twenty-four hour death wish? Nope.
Glenn: If Barbie's so popular, then why do you have
to buy all her friends?
Shea: Glenn, its better to let someone think you're an idiot than to open your mouth and
prove it.
Glenn: What?
Cole: I'm goin' straight to hell cause it's got to be a sin to look THIS good.
Piper: Life isn't a garden so stop being a hoe.
Piper: Be careful of the feet you step on, they may be connected to the boot that kicks your ass.
Phoebe: I need your help.
Cole: You've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
Phoebe: Okay, Piper. As much as we would love to hear about your man problems, we have a possible demon to vanquish.
Piper: How about next time I just freeze your head and then maybe I could kick you in the-
Prue: Ok!
Piper: Yeah, like that doesn't have personal gain tattooed across its forehead.
Leo: Ok, ok, ok, just relax.
Piper: That's what I was trying to do and then somebody made me blow up my guru!
Piper: Phoebe, you're overreacting. That's my department.
[To Phoebe]
Piper: Demons now, drooling later.
Phoebe: Honey, why did you vanquish watermelon?
Piper: I didn't vanquish watermelon. I threw it up in the air and I tried to freeze it and it exploded.
Piper: Leo, you obviously don't have sisters. One minute you're arguing about something and then suddenly you're
arguing about who stole who's Malibu Barbie in 1979!
Prue: Pig's feet.
Piper: Yuck...
Prue: Yuck?
Piper: Yuck...
Prue: So you can slice off a chunk of demon flesh but you can't touch a pig's foot?
Piper: I'm a vegetarian.
Prue: Since when?
Piper: Since now...
[Cooking pot bursts into flames]
Prue: Ooh...
Piper: Poor piggy.
Piper: Just feelings mostly. Good ones. Peaceful and whole and then it all went to crap when they said Leo and
I had to stop seeing each other or else.
Leo: Where's Melody?
Paige: Oh, she's gone.
Leo: Gone, as in she left?
Piper: Gone as in she got sucked in to a big red ring by a warlock named what was it?
Piper: Now she's Martha Stewart!
Piper: Don't tell me you put on a black conical hat and spent the night flying around the neighborhood on a broomstick?
Father Thomas: There's nothing you can do. It will
find us, and when it does we're all dead.
Piper: Well you're just a ray of sunshine now aren't ya.
Phoebe: Okay we theme, you potion.
Piper: Me peeved, you annoying.
Piper: Alright, that's it! Break it up. You go back to your corner and you, you're gonna get ready and we're gonna
put lots and lots of makeup on you.
Prue: [to Darryl] So in the meantime we can just stick together since we are both dateless.
Piper: He's not dateless, he's married. You're dateless 'cause you're picky.
Piper: Sabotage, I'm being sabotaged!
Piper: Uh, Phoebe, you're evil. You're like the queen of all evil, literally.
Piper: That's what they do, Phoebe, they come back. They snarl and come back.
Leo: Well, I know from experience Darklighter poison doesn't kill immediately, so there's still a window of
opportunity.
Piper: What, I'm supposed to throw out perfectly good flowers 'cause they came from a creep? If that was the rule,
we'd never have flowers in this house.
Caleb: Hi, I'm Caleb.
[She shakes his hand.]
Caleb: I'm sort of new in town, and I'm looking to meet someone, someone special. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt
your phone call to your...
Piper: Fiancé. Very large, very jealous fiancé.
Piper: Aww I was such a cute baby.
Leo: Yea I know.
Piper: Leo, you're not even looking at the picture.
Leo: Well I've been watching you you're whole life.
Piper: Yea ok that's too creepy to think about.
Piper: So, here's the deal. We'll spare your lives if you pull your skanky little power out of her.
Leo: Well, what if he makes his move before you get a chance to vanquish him?
Piper: I'll freeze him.
Leo: Now you're confident in your powers?
Piper: Okay, so maybe I'll blow him up.
[They walk into the conservatory.]
Leo: But what if he blows us up first?
Piper: Well, you're already dead, what's the difference.
Phoebe: Welcome to our world, dad.
Piper: Phoebs, friendly little tip. Lay off the hairspray, there's a fire starter in the house.
Piper: He swears they're not watching but he's a guy, he'll say anything.
Piper: Oh! You're assuming because I'm not tall, tattooed, or big-breasted that I'm not important. That's a bad
assumption because I own this club, which makes me a V.V.V.I.P."
Piper: Bad Prue! Very bad Prue!
[Prue growls]
Piper: Hi, Kujo, who you growling at?
Piper: You stole our sacred book so you could perform magical plastic surgery on yourself?
Piper: Pheobe, why would you even leave her alone with it?
Phoebe: Well, because she's our sister.
[Piper Laughs]
Piper: Not for long!
Piper: Heads up! Pregnant lady coming through with the groceries!
Piper: Yeah, but this demon didn't even seem to know who we were, which by the way I find insulting.
Piper: Don't worry for I hold the power of...... one!
Piper: Ugh! That tastes like ass...phalt.
Phoebe: It'll be just like the summer by the lake. Remember when we made that blood oath to be friends forever,
not just sisters?
Piper: I remember my finger got infected.
Piper: It's not that hard. Just try to emulate a man you admire.
Prue: Okay.
[tries to walk like a guy]
Piper: The man you admire is Richard Simmons?
Phoebe: I don't understand. Am I the only person in this family who's inherited the "take a chance" gene?
Piper: Probably. Cause if I remember my biology correctly, its attached to the "cant mind my own business" gene.
Phoebe: Sorry, had to grab my broom.
Phoebe: You came all the way over here for me, I mean we, I mean us?
Prue: I came, I saw, I was perky.
Piper: Uh, guys, we have about 20 seconds until they unfreeze.
Phoebe: How did you find out about us?
Aviva: I'm gonna need more than 20 seconds for that.
Prue: Hey, be nice! I don't even want to think about sin tonight.
Phoebe: Me neither.
Prue: So, this is an interesting band, what's their name?
Piper: Orgy.
Prue: Here's to Leo for saving me from eternal torment.
Piper: And to me for not trying to be the perfect couple, if it isn't good enough for them, then screw them.
Phoebe: It's just research for that stupid article Jason made me do.
Piper: Ah, you said his name without swearing. Does that mean things are going better at work?
Phoebe: Oh, no. He's still driving me crazy.
Piper: Didn't he just give you a raise?
Phoebe: Yeah, but that was just a bribe so I wouldn't quit.
Piper: Ah, a woman of principles. I admire that.
Piper: Look, I know I didn't call to confirm, but I was busy creating life, okay?
Paige: My sweater shrunk.
Piper: Ah, come on. You've worn tighter things than that.
Prue: [stirring a potion] I feel like I should be cackling.
[Piper and Leo stand over Wyatt's crib looking down
at him]
Piper: He's so...innocent. If only he had any idea what Mommy and Auntie Paige did today.
Leo: [to Wyatt] They turned a very bad man to a very big tree.
Piper: Paige! Is everything okay?
Paige: Better than okay. I'm going to have a love life.
Phoebe: You're making a love potion?
Paige: No, I'm making a stun potion.
Piper: So that lovers will be stunned by you?
Paige: No, so that Kazis will be stunned by me.
Phoebe: You're in love with a Kazi demon?
Paige: Try to stay with me, people!
Phoebe: You're a monkey. Ooh, you're an angry monkey. Oh, you're pissed. You're- PMS monkey?
Leo: Being with her broke the rules. Not being with her breaks my heart.
Prue: Leo you can't just let Piper die.
Leo: Don't you think I would do something about it if I could?
Prue: But you love her.
Phoebe: It's not everyday you find out the person you love isn't human, except in Piper's case.
Phoebe: Stop hinting around and let him have your crab already.
Piper: Don't be disgusting.
Piper: You asked me to marry you, and I did. You wanted a family, and I gave you a son. And now you just want
me to watch you walk away?
Leo: Piper it's not that simple.
Piper: Then make it simple.
Paige: We kick evil's ass every day.
Piper: Sometimes twice a day.
[Prue and Piper just find out Leo is a Whitelighter]
Prue: What is he again?
Phoebe: He's a Whitelighter. You know, kinda like Peter Pan and Tinkerbell without the wings and the tutu.
(Pheobe and Prue at a cemetery)
Phoebe: Where is Buffy When you need her?
(Piper
watching Passions in Her Bedroom)
Piper: That spell is never going to work. | 
